Thinking outloud

The last few weeks have been very interesting and much different than the rest of my Kenyan experiences. Before now, I was absolutely in love with Kenya and everything here. Recently, I have experienced the other side.

Being in the developing world is wearing. Poverty is a powerful force. Kenyans are wonderful people and for the most part they are friendly, caring, welcoming and enjoyable, but there is this culture of materialism and monetary values. Everything is about money and people without money can be driven to do some pretty crazy things. I have a hard time subscribing to that idea because I'm used to a culture of generosity without expected reciprocation. Many people here are reliant on others (other people or organizations) for everything. They think "Why should I volunteer to support my community when I can be doing something else to make money?" This mentality is tough to break, especially in my arena of soccer participation. The youth leagues I grew up in with volunteer coaches, parents, referees and organizers is non-existent here. People expect everything to be given to them with no responsibility for their own contributions.

These philosophies are proving to be quite stressful for me. I'm really starting to be engulfed in this culture, including the good and the bad. I'm just reminded every day that no matter how long I am here, I will never be Kenyan. I will never be OK with lying or cheating or taking advantage of others.

Otherwise things are well. It's warm and sunny every day, I am meeting so many wonderful people, I am watching so many kids play soccer and I'm learning to fend for myself. I used to think I was finally part of the "real world" but I now do not consider this the "real world." I am totally wrapped up in a crazy, confused and contradictory world.... and I love it.

I'm now heading to the shop right below where I live. They stock everything from milk and bread to nail polish, soap, toothpaste and soda. Essentially, everything I need. Even though it's dark already, it's totally safe for me to go outside because my building has armed guards.... armed with a bow and arrow (no joke).